I can still remember the feeling of my wedding dress finding me. It was exciting. I had the tears. I LOVE that dress. It's beautiful. It was exciting to take it home that day. I looked at it often. For five months I dreamed about that dress, me in it, Matt seeing me in it, and all the moments wearing it. Every bride doesn't do this I guess, but I had the time. Matt and I were engaged 1.5 years. I never knew if I'd be married ever. Heck, I never let myself even look at rings online and pin them, so I didn't even know what I liked when Matt took me shopping! So, yes, I visualized me in that beautiful dress and the big day.
At the end of the day, this dress should have stayed at the consignment shop. It wasn't the right dress for my body, and it wasn't the right size for me. After visiting with my seamstress, I thought I could make it work. I came to the realization I couldn't lose that many inches, and I needed a different dress!! So, I began my dress shopping - the full experience I never had. Although, my heart was broken and sad, I held it together. I was strong. A seamstress came out and shared with me why my dress was wrong for me. She was almost in tears for me as I stood in a beautiful dress I never should have bought. I almost lost it right then and there. It was as if she was expressing to me what I felt on the inside. The appointment carried on....so many dresses went on and off. It was a whirlwind of emotion. Nothing compared to the beading on the first dress. I wasn't having a "moment." What if I didn't have another "moment?" Is that ok? I settled for finding a dress I was happy with and looked good in. I left with one option. I visited two more shops, which left me with a few options. The uncertainty made the decision difficult. After a night of trying on too many dresses, I finally sat on my bed and just let my emotion take over. I was worn out. I was tired of the process. I was sad. I was disappointed in how everything was and wasn't going. I just wanted to find my dress! I chose the dress that made me feel good. It was so long since I felt that. Was I sure? No. I looked back and forth at the few options so many times, and I truly didn't know which dress flattered me more when the love handles were covered or not. The fact that I felt good in a dress sealed the deal. I didn't have another "moment." I still longed for what was and mourned the loss of what was going to be, but at least I could move forward. Not everyone favored the dress I chose, but after everything, I didn't care. The battle was over. Why am I sharing this? Because there is another bride going through something similar. Or perhaps, you could avoid some heartache yourself. Consignment bridal shops are lined with brand new wedding dresses from brides who changed their mind. Luckily, I was able to sell my first dress at a decent price. I'd love to offer some advice. 1. Do try on all types of dresses even if you're dead set against a style. I wasn't for wearing strapless for the church setting, so I avoided them until I realized I should have been trying them on all along. They were the most flattering. 2. Ask for the seamstress to come out and evaluate if the dress is the right style for your body and how alterations can change the dress. Once you know the right style, it gets easier. 3. Dresses need to sit on the right spot on the hips. Often, it's missed on how far the dress should be down, so it's order a size (or more) too small...or sold too small. 4. Buy the dress you love. It's your day. You have to wear the dress. Go all over until you find the dress. 5. If there is a comfortable dress, sweet! Know that wearing a wedding dress is not usually comfortable in some way(s) - beading rubbing under your arms, it's difficult to sit, it gets a little warm, it may be super heavy, going to the bathroom is not easy, someone steps on the bottom...). 6. You will be beautiful no matter what. 7. Don't bring too many people with your when you're shopping. Too many voices can be overwhelming. I would pick 1-3 people. 8. Start early!
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My heart knows the wait. It understands the wait. I cry for those struggling with continual singleness knowing the heartbreak, loneliness, exhaustion, cries of a million different emotions at different times, endless conversations with God about the unknown future...the tragic scene that dating is now wondering if the right person will ever come...I feel their pain. As they talk, the memories tug at my heart and tears well up in my eyes. I know how much they are hurting. It only seems like yesterday when I was worried about all of this. I count everyday with my fiance as a gift and blessing, because it took more than 10 years of single life before meeting him. I don't even joke about him being careful and safe. I pray this is not too good to be true, and we have our wedding day with many years to come to look forward to. There are so many Christian women waiting for a good man. Yes, women are focusing more on their careers and marrying later, but it really comes down to this waiting for the right (and good) man. I'm going to make it easy and make a basic list. This is a very basic, but an oh-so-important list of what women need from our men. This is what women are waiting for: 1. A man who can lead a woman towards God. (not away, not so-so) We want someone that wants to be the best version of himself in the eyes of God and is working on that. A man that doesn't live for himself, but for God and for others. A man that thinks, "What would Jesus do?" and then tries to do it...and if he doesn't know Jesus, he gets on that boat and starts learning. We are looking to marry men that will go to God when life is in the crapper, because God is the only one that will carry the marriage, family, or spouse through the horrible times. Life is hard enough. It's harder without God. 2. A man that knows what he wants.
3. A man that treats you like a lady...like a treasure. I honestly went on a date where a man talked about himself almost the whole time. Needless to say, he didn't care about me. I promise any man, if you have a lady and you treat her like a treasure, you will NEVER be sorry. Your relationship will be so much better.
4. A man that forgives, who says, "I'm sorry," and truly means it. A man that doesn't resent people. 5. A man that really listens. I'm sure I missed some, but I think the rest stem from these. Mandy Hale has her own post. Check it out! At the end of the day, the personality, looks, and humor all just depend on the right connection of two people. So many women are waiting for good, decent men. I question if there's truth behind the women shaping men into the man they are (later in life), especially after years of marriage...OR is it our culture and society going down the crap shoot? Were men more decent quality men years ago? We actually have a program at my church called, That Man is You, which gets men together to learn and talk about Christian topics that help men be great Christian men, husbands, and fathers. Of course we have women that need to shape up and grow up in so many ways, also. That's a different post. Would men be in better shape if our women were? Maybe we're all in the same place. In the meantime, I hear the cries of these amazing, good-hearted single women echo what used to be my cries not too long ago. All the words that can be offered to a unhappy single person or a single person unhappy about not being married, will not make them happy. Singleness into my thirties was my cross, my long-time suffering. I learned that to just "be there," listen, and even saying, "I'm sorry you are experiencing this. I wish I could take it away," is the best. It tells the person you hear their pain, and instead of saying something that only makes the person feel worse, you empathize with them. Forget the, "Oh, you have plenty of time," bull shit and other crappy lines! So, I know the following won't be all warm and fuzzy, but it is necessary. I had to learn how to give my single life over to Jesus and say, "Your will be done." I had to give my future over to him, whether it be single life, religious life (being a sister if I was called), or marriage someday. It didn't matter that I desired marriage for 10 or so years, and I believed those desires were good and from God. Although letting go and totally trusting God was very difficult, I was able to do it over time. As a result, I could let go of a time schedule and just be present in whatever I was doing. I realized that I needed to learn how to be happy with myself and life no matter what was going on in life and with my martial status. It's important to fill your life with things that make you happy. Pursue a dream; work on some goals. If I couldn't get this figured out in single-life, who's to say I could figure out how to be happy in marriage. Basically, this is learning to trust God with His timing, letting go, and learning to be happy in the present. Plus, God can really only make us truly happy. So, while you're getting busy filling your life with new adventures, someone is thinking about you, too! I can promise you while our friends and family are busy getting married, buying homes, and having babies, our waiting will bring some pretty amazing blessings! While some of those blessings come in the waiting, I am just beginning to see what blessings come from heading into marriage in my mid-thirties rather than my twenties. I also think because I waited for a man that God knew would be right for me (rather than settling), He is going to bless me and the marriage! Check out these books that truly helped!
I can envision myself in my wedding dress with my hair and makeup done. I imagine the feeling. I think about seeing Matt for the first time and finally walking down the isle. All the emotions - joy, happiness, love. There are so many moments I "day dream" about that which bring me such excitement. Seeing it all and knowing Matt and I will be married, helps these days of waiting and planning go by. Surely some loved their wedding planning and would do it again if they could. Maybe I'm just late in the game when "everyone" was getting married and talking about the fine details of wedding planning. Or just maybe no one really talks about it.
It's not that I just want these days to go by, but I so just want to be married. Although there's some marriage planning yet to be done, the wedding planning is not my cup of tea. I have enjoyed parts, and I have learned to take breaks throughout so I don't get so hyper focused. However, I do think I could have been more prepared for planning if someone had told me more about it. Here is what I am learning from wedding planning: BUDGET Most people are spending on average of $20,000-$25,000 for their wedding in WI. I knew this. I didn't really know what a wedding would look like for a much small budget. I didn't know how hard the budgeting would be and what it would feel like to be on a much smaller budget. I didn't know how hard it would be to compromise often and go with the cheaper option or sometimes eliminate somethings all together. What I know well is the fear of going over budget at the end for some reason and running up a credit card.
PLANNING Planning starts and continues from the days you begin it. I read this somewhere. It is 100% true. Dang this truth! lol It seems like people are planning everything so early these days. A year out, you're late with some bookings! Matt and I started planning 1.5 years out. Now we are at a year. Wedding planning includes marriage preparation. I feel the pressure to do both. The marriage preparation is the most important, but I feel like it gets the least attention. It's easier to plan for a wedding. When you don't live together, you definitely have to set time aside to figure out tough stuff like budgets, relationship topics, where to live, etc.
THE REAL DEAL VS. THE DREAM Pintrest is amazing for wedding planning. I have my hairstyle ideas pinned. I have makeup ideas pinned. I showed my cake lady ideas of what I was looking for. Pintrest is very useful, BUT it can be very crazy. Crazy because it creates the dream wedding verses the real wedding. Know that it can be helpful, but keep in mind that it can feed a fantasy wedding that may never be. PEOPLE'S EXPECTATIONS If I didn't have a love for the Catholic Church and a sacramental marriage, Matt and I may have had a very small quick wedding. Elopement? Maybe. We will not be young getting married. I will be 35 and Matt will be 43. All this planning to have a very special day is important, but it's not the most important. The most important part of that day is the wedding Mass. Everything else will hopefully be "icing on the cake." Almost everyone has something to say about one thing or another and has a personal expectation of how something should go. I'm guilty of this myself. From my experience and others, I've learned the following:
Here is some other advice: Lessons Learned through Wedding Planning Wedding Planning: Lessons I Learned Along the Way It was such an exciting weekend. I found my wedding dress!! After watching how many episodes of, "Say Yes to The Dress," and only imaging "the moment," I had "my moment." It was so much better than what I imagined. I realize that everyone has a different experience and some don't have a "moment," but I'd love to tell you about it!
I guess you could say I am the typical bride that probably has wedding dresses pinned on a Pintrest board. I've actually spent hours of time trying to figure out what dresses I'd like to try on and narrowed it down to Elaine's in Appleton, WI. I was planning on going this summer. However, I've kept my eye on Tiffani's Bridal and Consignment in Appleton. I stopped in there one other time and tried on a few dresses before. On Friday Tiffani posted a new dress that came in that I could not wait to see, so I stopped in on my own to check it out. It turned out that it looked horrible on me. Of course I had to try on other dresses while I was there. You know how they say you should try on every style, because you never know what will look good on you? I think I've successfully done that! And, I never thought I'd come out of the dressing room on Friday and think, "This might just be the dress!" I made an appointment on Saturday to return with my sister, Jen! Leaving Tiffani's, all I could think about was the dress. It was like after Matt proposed...it was all I could think about. I thought about how it would take Matt's breath away and about how beautiful it is. That night I looked up all sorts of dresses to see if any compared. I wanted to be sure. I didn't want to miss out on the big appointment at Elaine's where I can go through the racks and racks of dresses. All fell short. Saturday came around and on went the dress again. It was all very exciting as Jen and I talked about the dress. I can't remember how it happened but all of a sudden the tears came, and then Jen had tears. It was as if everything felt perfect and beautiful in that moment. On Sunday my mom and I were able to go! Coming in again was like "coming home." Everything came together. Now I do not need to worry about trying to fit into the size dresses that the other bridal stores have. I don't have to squeeze my body into dresses hoping they fit and clip them to imagine what they would look like. That is such a relief. All I need to focus on is looking beautiful in the dress that hangs in my house already! There was a time when I lived in the future in my dreams. I barely had time to enjoy my present. How could you blame me; I was just excited for what was to come, right? It was tragic really, because I lost site of the beauty before me. I couldn't just enjoy the ride for what it was worth in those very moments. If I did it was only short-lived. It wasn't until that future never happened years ago that I decided to live differently. I decided to live in the present. And life began to change. I took in moments of time for what they were not pressing for what I wanted them to be. Life began to unfold naturally. During this time, I prayed through countless situations asking God what I should and shouldn't do. I learned how to be more patient than I ever thought was possible. I became truer to myself and who I am (yes, for embracing my thirties!) While I trusted that wonderful blessings were on the way, I learned the gift is in the anticipation - in the in-between moments. The anticipation between the moments can be filled with pain and such blessings as we trust in God's timing and perfect plan. One of my favorite Christian singers, JJ Heller, said she used to pray asking God to get her through the pain as quickly as possible. At some point she realized God was teaching her in the pain. Her prayed changed! She asked for God to reveal to her what she needed to learn in those moments. I'd much rather live this life God's way than my own. This is my prayer for you... Discernment is never an easy process. I tend to forget the tedious and treacherous process that it is, until I find myself right back in it where I am trying to figure out something pretty important again. So, what is discernment...this churchy word? Over the years, I have used Wikipedia's definition: "In Christianity, the word may have several meanings. It can be used to describe the process of determining God's desire in a situation or for one's life or identifying the true nature of a thing such as discerning between good and evil. In large part, it describes the interior search for an answer to the question of one's vocation, namely, determining whether or not God is calling one to the married life, single life, consecrated life, ordained ministry (priests), or any other calling." At work this summer, I discerned different curriculum to use this year. That was not easy. I agonized over that. It has been a while since I've had to discern a decision in my personal life. It's asking God, "What is your will in my life with this right now?" Then, each and everyday I observe how God might be speaking to me in my heart and through situations, other people, Scripture, etc. Some days I think His answer can't get any clearer. I know God will reveal His will over and over again until I am certain and until I listen, because I do believe He was the one that lead me to this restlessness. It's funny how what we thought was important can quickly fade as God shows us what's really important. In the last few days there's been a lot of talk about "what would you like your life script to look like" and "meditate on your own funeral." What do you want your life to be about? In doing so, certain things are no longer important. When I finally figure out what those things are, especially when I am trying to make a decision and the discernment process is over, peace prevails! Making the changes aren't always easy, but they are easier knowing that it is what God wants. Because of that, I know He will take care of me and help things fall into place eventually. God's in the process of writing His story on my heart...and each little part is part of the work of art. You may have caught on that I am going to be doing something called, Whole30. I put it off because of my Rodan + Fields' Convention at the end of September. I am now ready to start! So, what is Whole 30?
So what's required? Why am I doing this? I will need to cook regularly! I will need to plan my meals out. I haven't done this well for years. My joy for this died many years ago when dreams I had way back then died too, so this will be a new discipline and growth for me. I hope to rekindle my love for it. As I watched many YouTube videos of people on this Whole30 journey, there's not a doubt in my mind, that I will learn a lot about food, cooking, and my relationship with both. I will say goodbye to many foods and hello to many others. Whole30 says, "Yes," to meat, eggs, veggies, fruits, healthy oils, and nuts (not peanuts). I cannot rely so much on fruit as I have. I will need to be careful to not eat nuts as often and not as many. I do need to eat more veggies. I always knew this. A lot of the food should be the best quality if at a possibly, which usually is organic/grass fed/wild-caught. It just depends on the item. What are the rules?
Why? My doctor recommended it. When I told her I was thinking about Shakeology, she had little words. Instead, she shared about Whole30. I wasn't keen on adding in a method that wasn't all naturally anyway, so Whole30 makes complete sense to me. Plus, it will teach me what will be best for my body. More importantly, I would love to eat right to see my medical conditions vanish! They are: migraine headaches, eczema (face, scalp, inner ears), back pain, jaw clenching, acne, and occasional bloating from foods. Several years ago I started to get worse bloating and cramping from my periods also. I am being treated medically for my migraines. Thanks to my Rodan + Fields business, I no longer need to be on my steroid cream for my eczema, however, it would be nice to move into a different regimen other than the Soothe Regimen for sensitive skin. Of course I come a long way strengthening my back and core, but if food can help so I don't have the nagging pain each day, it would be amazing! It would be icing on the cake to not need any products for acne! And if I didn't feel like I wanted to be home in bed while I have my period, life would be good! The other day I felt so bloated after eating. It's not like I ate horribly, but I just got to the point where I wanted to feel good....better! I don't want my stomach to feel like that. I want to feel full of energy. Here is the good news! Doing Whole30 will:
Here's what I need!
I'd love to have your support! There is no slip up-get-a-free-day. If I decide to take a day off or mess up, the 30 days start over. It's that way, because even a bite or lick of one of those "NO" items brings inflammation, imbalances, etc. back in. It takes the full 30 days to know in the end. There are going to be tough days. There are going to be neutral days. There are going to be great days. I may blog, video, or write a Facebook message on a given day. I'd love to have you along the way. I am so thrilled that my friend, Jill, will be doing this along with me. Maybe someone else will want to join as well!! If you are the least bit interested, check out Whole30. You will want to get their books: *It Starts with Food: Discover the Whole30 and Change Your Life in Unexpected Ways (Tells you the science behind the plan) *The Whole30: The 30-Day Guide to Total Health and Food Freedom (gets you ready, recipes....just an outstanding book! What does each day look like? What to expect: Day 1: No big deal/what have I done? Day 2-3: The hangover - headache-y, a little sore, foggy (good thing I don't drink soda!) Day 4-5: Kill all things - head is clear, body feels fine, but you want to punch people for being so cheerful. Basically everything and anything annoys! The brain is not happy, because I withheld it with my previously generous reward of super-sweet, salty, fatty junk foods-and an unhappy brain is a stressed and anxious brain. Day 6-7: I just want to nap Day 8-9: No my pants are tighter! Days 10-11: The hardest days Days 12-15 I dream of junk food Day 16-27: Tiger blood - Your energy is through the roof, cravings are under control, clothes are fitting better, workouts are stronger, you feel unstoppable, Day 21: I am so over this Day 22-25: The scale (and mirror) are calling... Day 28: 28 is as good as 30, right? NO Day 29 and 30: It's almost over with. What am I going to eat now? - panic Day 30: I'll weigh myself and get measured to find out the physical victories. I was weighed and measured last Wednesday, Sept. 30. I can't wait to share my progress with you along the way. For now, you must check out some testimonials that are outstanding! There are amazing ones in the book second book as well. "Testimonials from thousands of Whole 30 participants document the improvement or "cure" of any number of lifestyle-related disease and conditions...: high blood pressure, high cholesterol, type 1 and 2 diabetes, asthma, allergies, sinus infections, hives, skin conditions, endometriosis, PCOS, infertility, migraines, depression, bipolar disorder, heartburn, GERD, arthritis, joint pain, ADHD, thyroid dysfunction, Dyme disease, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, lupus, leaky gut syndrome, Crohn's, IBS, Celiac disease, diverticulitis, ulcerative colitis, multiple sclerosis" (Hartwig, 3). Join in or support me! My life is going to be changed!! It is no secret that I put my heart into almost everything I do. There are times like yesterday you'll find me in tears writing an email response to a parent. Or the other week chatting with a mom about how her teen is doing, which ended up being a wonderful conversation. That only happened because I spent time with her teen months before chatting about how things were going because I cared about him and how he was doing. My most favorite times are sitting with the confirmation candidates in their interviews as we chat about life and faith. There are times I send out too many emails, call too many times, and spend too much time thinking about situations. My 30 minute car rides into work are filled with work prep, to-dos, prayers, worries, contemplation on how to do many things, and taking in Christian lyrics. Sometimes I sing. :) Some days this giving it my all can be too much. There are people that can do this without putting so much heart into it. But I don't know how to do that, and I don't know why I would want to do ministry that way. It is a gift to have a place in my heart for these families and for them to be in love with Jesus. What I am coming to learn through my business, which overflows into ministry is that I can't take everything so personally. A person that does put so much heart into her work, will naturally take things to heart and potentially more personally. I believe some of that is very good, but sometimes it isn't necessary or healthy. Being able to keep things in their court as their choice and not taking anything on as my fault can stop the on-going evaluation process. All I know is what I know. I've done all I've done. This is what happened. Now it's time to move on. Dwelling on situations, decisions, and circumstances is not healthy no matter how difficult they may be. Part of my Time Warrior book talks about doing this, because you save time when you do this. Just think about how much time I've wasted worrying about situations I couldn't change. ...to run freely with a heart so full...trying to see what really matters... I am so in love with this song! I heard it for the first time driving home one night this past week. I fell in love with our Lord all over again. I heard the words and felt the emotions... Like a bride waiting for her groom We'll be at church ready for you Every heart longing for our King We sing, even so come... Lord, Jesus come We wait for you God, you're coming soon We wait for you ...the emotions of what it's like for a bride waiting for her groom - all the anticipation, longing, joy, and love I felt this within me as I thought about my future, my wedding day, my groom. The excitement, joy, and love overflows... As I listened more to the words, I thought, "Imagine if we went to the Mass with the same emotions each week"...with such anticipation and longing to receive Jesus...with the joy of knowing He will be there each and every time. Imagine the next time you're preparing to receive Jesus in the Eucharist How do you come to him? Do you come to him as you would your spouse on your wedding day? Ready for him? Your heart longing for him? Want to know more about the Eucharist? Watch this video! How does one manage to go about their day when someone comes along and ruins it? Their behavior in no way, shape, or form was appropriate or the conversation was totally ridiculous or a complete misunderstanding. Sometimes all of this has nothing to do with me and what's going on. I know there is something else going on in life. But why me today? I was happy. I was peaceful. I was spreading joy. I've heard over and over again that we are in control of our attitudes. So, that means I have the choice to let the yucky, unfortunate situation affect my mood or not. But, that is SOOO hard! It is always a work in progress. I am wondering what you do to not let upsetting situations change your mood or day.
The amazing thing is though, as I sat here wondering what to write next, the Holy Spirit revealed to me that God should be that jar. I should be unloading to God. Sure, I can share things to my sister, my boyfriend, and my friends, but they will always carry the burden of the negative emotions that go with it. Whereas God never does. Plus, it is God who I should be talking to about these "heavy" situations, daily, and often. Pray without seizing. This Scripture verse speaks so much to my heart right now - about how God will take care of these situations, and He will guard my mind and heart. I still remember hearing it for the first time at Women's Bible Study in college. We were asked to memorize it. I understand why. Here's another version:
"Rejoice in the Lord always. I shall say it again: rejoice! Your kindness should be known to all. The Lord is near. Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." I am looking forward to hearing what you do. They say starting our day off with the Lord is the best way to start our day. "Lord, thank you for another day. I trust you with this day. Help me to live it as you would like me to." Of course also being in God's Word and meditating on it would be even better. And then if we're having this constant conversation, including during these intense energy-sucking times, with God throughout our day, I believe I'll be in a better place and in better shape to not need to unload to others and to feel so known. |
So this is me...I am a woman who lives with passion, self-reflection, and a desire to do God's will.
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