I know people don't want to hear about other people's problems. I am still not sure if I should share. But, the thing is, not everyone had a great New Year's Eve and first day of 2018. I usually love the energy that comes with a new year dawning. I look back at my year, and come up with my hopes and dreams for the coming year with joy. This year is very different.
I realized I want to leave the ugly stuff behind. I am tired. I have aged. My skin looks dull. My memory is shot from stress. I hate my hair right now. I'm trying to find out where I am going when I feel like I'm not meant to be where I am. My eye sight has worsened. I've gain over 50 pounds in 8 months. My back hurts. I haven't worked out in forever. Money is tight. I am sad. I literally feel like I am killing my body. Tonight I finally looked through my containers of bigger clothes. I've struggled to know what to wear to work the last few months. So, as I head back to work after vacation, I pulled out clothes I never planned to wear again. I wore those clothes for so long. I'm so tired of those clothes. I said goodbye to them about 4-5 years ago. I broke down. I don't like myself right now. To get where I need to go is hard. It's a mountain climb. It's overwhelming. The saying, "Things don't change until they change," rings out as an old tune. It's like an annoying saying a mom or dad would say and the response in our heads is always, "I know, but I don't want to." It's always easier to be lazy, but it's more destructive. We are always better as disciplined people. When we let the less important creep in and steal time and energy, the right things don't get done or happen. We are meant for so much more!
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So this is me...I am a woman who lives with passion, self-reflection, and a desire to do God's will.
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