She is clothed in strength and dignity... That is a woman that knows who she is - valued, worthy, strong, loved, love-able, beautiful, and a treasure of the Lord's. ...And she laughs without fear of the future. That is a confident woman. That is a courageous woman. That is a woman that is patient and trusts in the Lord and his plan for her. I pray you have woman like these in your life. They are like rays of sunshine that bring instant joy into your life. They know exactly who they are, but it took incredible amount of work to get there. They are the most sincere, real people that it feels so freeing just talking with them. They are the most incredible, strongest, confident, beautiful woman I know. I love them for all these reasons. Their names are Judy and Terry. I know I have a heck of a ways to go until I am what they say is a Proverbs 31 woman, but I am so much closer than I was 5 years ago. It gives me great happiness that people are now seeing my strength and joy again. Five years ago I was desperate to begin the mountain climb out of grief, sadness, and loneliness. It took a year until I started fighting for myself and then I began the climb. I met with a counselor and began setting measurable, obtainable goals. Some of them I am still working on today. The other day I was wondering if everyone has their one big tragedy - something they've had to overcome. I know that mine has shaped me into a much stronger person. I never knew how strong I was until I had to be that strong. I've also become truer to myself. I truly do believe God makes all things new, but it is in his time. While I was going through the "moving on time," this song was popular. I listened to it at times with tears and at times with so much hope. Blessings, by Laura Story What has brought me to today?
I am sure there are many more I could list, but these are the majority. I love it that I can walk with others that are living through their tragedy and just be with them in those moments, knowing that all they need is someone to be real and present, that understands the heart pain of a broken heart. I love that I can offer them inspiration for a brighter future, knowing that it will get better because God never leaves it this way. And I know along the way the Holy Spirit will lay on my heart what I should share. For I truly believe that our own tragedies help us to learn compassion and empathy for others around us and we become better sisters and brothers in Christ. Who are your rays of sunshine?
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Last fall a professional organization I am in went to a homeless shelter in Green Bay. They spoke to our group about homelessness and the shelter. Out of everything that was said that day, one statement has stayed with me. I can't remember the exact amount of time, but it went something like this: You are minutes away from being homeless. As I took the words in, my mind flashed back to a time of a few late rent notices and searching Craigslist for a potential roommate or a new living situation that was cheaper than $600/month. My last option was to move home. It didn't take long to think, "What if I didn't have family (around) to help?" That day in the homeless shelter wasn't the first time I reflected on those thoughts. When I was actually discerning what to do with my living situation, it was the first time I realized someone in my shoes without family within several months would be homeless. HOMELESS? ME? HOMELESS. When they told us at the homeless shelter who the guests where, they were people like me and YOU! THEY ARE! We can be minutes from being homeless. It scares the shit out of you. It also humbles you. So, why I am writing this today? This week the Lord has pressed upon my heart to share with you how we need to see everyone as God sees them. To share with you how easily we can get lost in our wealth, statuses, time, and possessions and take for granted our lives and judge others (and sometimes even without realizing we are doing it). I think we are minutes away from tragedy also, which sometimes can lead us into being homeless. I will never forget when a new student started part way into the 5th grade year due to her house burning down. She must have moved and started new. I couldn't imagine. After all these years, I haven't forgotten... Imagine someone hitting your family while you are driving. Several surgeries, hospital stays, and physical therapy bills are pilling up while the settlement for the accident could go on for years. Maybe some of your family can work, while others can't. Money is hard to come by. People look at you like you are worthless, because you can't "get your life together." Never in your life did you plan or imagine this to be your life. The thing is, YOU CAN'T PLAN TRAGEDY. This wasn't your fault. And one thing after another seems to be going wrong...especially when it depends on money. So, I sit in church today and the priest is talking about unity. Earlier I see this father walk in with about six children. I wonder where his wife is. It is very rare for a big family to be without a spouse. Could you imagine what a tragedy this would be to lose a spouse, especially in a big family? Never mind the size of the family...let's just say it's your family without a spouse. What kind of tragedy would that be and financially? As Matt and I get in the car, we talk about the family. We brainstorm where the mom could be - work, home sick, or home with the new baby. Let's pray it's just one of those. Later tonight I read about a miscarriage. For a single woman that hasn't had her time to be a mother and hurts so deeply somewhere I can't even describe for the desire to be a mother, I can't even fathom this pain. Especially in a world that moves too fast, moves on as if this little person was never here, and tells you your mourning time should be done. There are countless tragedies I could list. That's not my point. It's how we react to each other in the tragedy that is so important. When people start to feel like they can't even go to church because they don't feel welcomed, that is heartbreaking. Because if they don't feel welcomed there, where will they? It should be the first place they should feel welcomed...to sit at the feet of Christ, to pray, to be uplifted, to cry, to receive Jesus, to worship, to sing, to be with others that encourage each other, and much more. It shouldn't take your own tragedy to wake you up...to start seeing others in their tragedy for who they are where they are. After all, if we really knew how close we were to tragedy, we would live our lives differently. So, why don't we? 1. High Waist Short-Shorts It did not take long to realize that these are THE THING last weekend and this weekend. The other day a teen said to me, "_(something I can't remember what)_ will never be in style." I responded with, "I thought skinny jeans would never go back in style. NEVER! But they are in style. Never say never. It will come back in style." So, yesterday, before my very eyes, I see teen after teen wearing all sorts of styles of these very high waisted shorts that are way too short. Some showed their butt cheeks just a tad bit. This picture is very conservative compared to what the teens are wearing, and for me they're still too short! For years now I don't shop as much as I used to for clothes, so I don't even know what's the younger trend. When I've really shopped for clothes in the last two years, I realized that I HATE the trend. LOL This all makes me laugh, because it shows my age. The hardest part about this is if a teen wants to dress more modestly, it's almost impossible. 2. Bus Ride Scare Matt and I rode the Milwaukee City Bus to get to Summerfest and back from one of the pick up spots. We've done this before for another event we went to. Last time I recall being one of the passengers standing once. On the way to Summerfest, several others had to stand, including some young teens, a dad, young adult man, and another man in front of us. There were others further back in the bus standing as well. As we pulled off the teens struggled to gain their balance and hold on tight enough. And then there's me who says (like a dork to the older teen girl next to me), "They need to use their core." Just maybe they know that when we squeeze our core it helps us stabilize ourselves....ha. Further on our ride a car pulls out and our bus driver has to slam on the breaks and all the people in front of us go FLYING to the front of the bus. I mean, literally to the ground to the front on top of each other. Heads were hit; backs were hurt, and as the twisted bodies got up, everyone on the bus were asking if everyone was ok. IT WAS SCARY. We all got jerked someway in that bus, but those sitting were safe and those in the back still standing must have been stronger. This really shook me, because in those moments I didn't know what was happening. I didn't see what was coming. I couldn't help anyone. I was unaware of what my body was doing. All I was aware of was seeing those people go straight to the front of the bus. If this would have been worse, it could have been a very bad accident. Thankfully bruises will probably be the only aftermath. 3. An Act of Kindness
I truly forget about people smoking until I go to festivals! It sounds funny, but I am not around cigarette/cigar, etc. smoke regularly. Aside from hating the smell and not wanting to breathe in the fumes, I will get migraines if I stay around the smell for too long. It didn't take long to realize that people are still smoking once we got into Summerfest! lol I cannot lie; I do take for granted my smoke-free life. It is a good life, and I plan to continue to protect it for health reasons. Later that night, Matt and I found our place to sit/stand for the concert. We were blessed to not have a regular smoker directly by us the entire night. At first three "teen" boys were chain smoking these little cigars in front of us. Luckily, the smell didn't really come our way and they don't smell as bad as cigarettes. I swear they were not 18. It was almost as if they were free from their parents, so they could smoke away and be "awesome." My heart broke for them. I wanted to scream and yell at them. "They do not know what they do, Lord." The teacher, mother instinct, health freak, and spiritual guide in me wanted so much more for them. As we waited for the concert to begin, I chatted a little with the man on my right hand side of me. I asked him how old he thought the boys were and commented on the situation. Soon the concert started and although the air was filled with smoke, a breeze would come here and there. A while later the man asked if I would mind if he smoked and in that split second two things happened: my heart sank and then he quickly said, "You do. I don't need to smoke." I told him he could smoke. He must have caught on with all the conversations Matt and I had possibly as well, and that I would mind. He said again that he wouldn't. I told him I would appreciate it if he didn't, but he could do whatever he wanted. He said no again and I thanked him. What a sacrifice! What a gift! What a blessing. What a gentleman! Of course I felt somewhat bad after, because he would come and go throughout the rest of the concert. I knew he was going to smoke. BUT I knew that was his choice. It was his choice to ask me and his choice not to smoke by me. In those split seconds when I didn't say anything and he responded for me I was thinking, "I don't know what I'll do if he smokes. I guess I'll have to move somewhere, but where?" So, it was a true blessing. It's not often you get someone that acts selfless like that. 4. We have each other If you know me very well, you know I get flat tires often! Probably every few years. No one knows this until now, but I will regularly get out and check my tires when I feel like my car is driving funny. I am so glad that the car I drive now tells me how many PSIs each tire has, so I know I am in good shape. I check that regularly as well. Matt and I experienced out first flat tire together today while driving on HWY 41. He had a tire issue not too long ago and he asked why this all was happening. I can't claim I had anything to do with the last tire since I wasn't there, but I joked that it was because I am in his life...and flat tires are my thing unfortunately! The second thought in my head was, "BUT if this is my only "not so great thing," you've got a good thing! There are far more bad things you could have, but you don't!" And so, we got through this experience together. I know that there will be more flat tires to come literally and metaphorically in our relationship, but if we have each other that's what's most important. There is so much to be grateful for even though it has been a challenging week as my mind and heart struggled in a variety of ways with the latest decision our country made. I'm not sure how most people's 4th of Julys go, but mine has always been clouded with the thoughts of, "What am I doing?" and "Who I am I with?" I am reminded again of how hard some of my July fourths have been as I think of people that have recently gone through a break up, are struggling in their relationships, and those who may not have anyone to celebrate this glorious day with. There were so many July fourths that I had NO ONE to do anything with. There were years were I literally sat in my apartment while the fireworks went off and cried. What was the alternative? Should I have asked to go along and be the third wheel? This holiday is not like the others. For the others, families always gather. It is safe. And Memorial Day and Labor Day...well, it's not one where the soul longs to go celebrate like July 4th. It is ok to be alone if you have to be. July 4th must be celebrated. We have fought too hard as a country to be where we are today. And in many ways, as a Christian, the road is even harder. We must not take our freedom for granted. So, as my boyfriend, Matt, planned his July 4th, I didn't think anything of it. July 4th was weeks out. My sister and her boyfriend were planning a get-to-gether to watch fireworks. I didn't really think about what I would be doing. I didn't even need to worry about it. I've come to realize that looking back now. What a blessing! Me, the planner, not planning is very rare! But I've let go on some things. One day Matt was talking about his plans for Summerfest and he mentioned something about when we go. I thought it would be important to clarify who the "we" was. I figured it was me, but hey, you never know! It could have been a friend! It was me after all. It was kind of funny. But the thing is, who else would I want to celebrate this day with, but my love first and foremost? Last year I don't even think I had thoughts about this holiday, like I am reflecting on now. I think I was just so in the moment as Matt, his daughter, and I headed up to his parents' place for the weekend. We had a wonderful time. It is such a blessing to know that I have a man in my life to stay who will be celebrating 4th of July with me AND all the very lonely ones of the past can fade away! |
So this is me...I am a woman who lives with passion, self-reflection, and a desire to do God's will.
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