I rarely share my poetry. It is very personal to me and usually written when my heart is broken. Recently, I've been chatting with someone about her break up, steps of moving forward, and healing. As I've talked with her, I've shared some of my own wisdom with her. This woman hasn't started to date again. I can recall a time in my life when I eased my way out there into the dating world when I thought I never would be needing to again. This poem was written the night I went on my first real date after a good year had past since the end of a significant relationship. A vaguely remember breaking down in my car once I pulled into the driveway after the date. This poem is the result of the emotion that was built up inside. It took several months beyond this spot in my life to open myself to someone where I wasn't looking back at "what was" anymore. Every step was necessary and taught me something. Please know that I write very symbolically in this poem. My ex-boyfriend did not die, but when we broke up the future we/I had planned, our relationship, and him in my life were deaths. I mourned all of them and many other things for over a year. Please know, that I've always been blessed with a deep faith, strong family, and beautiful friends that all helped be through that very hard time. I am proud of the woman I am today and continue to grow into. Grave Site by Amy Koehler (6/25/11) My heart cries for you in the agony of trying to find another A future that’s bittersweet drowned by the past One step forward, two steps back Reminders of you linger You are never too far away Haunted by then – what was I come visit your grave site and tears of sadness and loss erupt as your death still stings my heart while yours stopped beating for me a lifetime ago Kisses of empty passion A new hand to hold from eyes of a stranger You aren’t there A heart thrown into limbo No longer rests in yours nor anyone else’s My flowers are never brought There’s nothing to celebrate Good memories are lost not cherished A fire burns around the pathetic ground I walk on Leaving new ashes that just sit there There’s a stench of decay For my brokenness remains in the depth of despair I knew, but I didn’t know how ugly this grief was going to be No one has pulled me out and away from the grave site Lack of understanding and the dread of pity leave words unsaid and mourning private Will there be a new love that understands where I’ve been where I am and where I want to go In the midst of it all, will they see me as beautiful even if my heart still cries for a pastime ago I feel so misunderstood fighting with a scene I don’t like It’s not so easy to find where my heart can rest Nothing is for certain; nothing is safe Wish someone was worthy enough to even be given glimpses of my beautiful heart Slow down, speed up, try harder, you deserve better Don’t look and you will find Be you A mess of confusion that makes no sense Too much and yet not enough decent options Brings me back to you Your absence is fatally permanent while the reality of what was is stable I know well the path of what no longer exists Maybe someday it will join in and disappear into another’s And visiting your grave site will be no more Song: "Blessings," by Laura Story
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So this is me...I am a woman who lives with passion, self-reflection, and a desire to do God's will.
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