My heart knows the wait. It understands the wait. I cry for those struggling with continual singleness knowing the heartbreak, loneliness, exhaustion, cries of a million different emotions at different times, endless conversations with God about the unknown future...the tragic scene that dating is now wondering if the right person will ever come...I feel their pain. As they talk, the memories tug at my heart and tears well up in my eyes. I know how much they are hurting. It only seems like yesterday when I was worried about all of this. I count everyday with my fiance as a gift and blessing, because it took more than 10 years of single life before meeting him. I don't even joke about him being careful and safe. I pray this is not too good to be true, and we have our wedding day with many years to come to look forward to. There are so many Christian women waiting for a good man. Yes, women are focusing more on their careers and marrying later, but it really comes down to this waiting for the right (and good) man. I'm going to make it easy and make a basic list. This is a very basic, but an oh-so-important list of what women need from our men. This is what women are waiting for: 1. A man who can lead a woman towards God. (not away, not so-so) We want someone that wants to be the best version of himself in the eyes of God and is working on that. A man that doesn't live for himself, but for God and for others. A man that thinks, "What would Jesus do?" and then tries to do it...and if he doesn't know Jesus, he gets on that boat and starts learning. We are looking to marry men that will go to God when life is in the crapper, because God is the only one that will carry the marriage, family, or spouse through the horrible times. Life is hard enough. It's harder without God. 2. A man that knows what he wants.
3. A man that treats you like a lady...like a treasure. I honestly went on a date where a man talked about himself almost the whole time. Needless to say, he didn't care about me. I promise any man, if you have a lady and you treat her like a treasure, you will NEVER be sorry. Your relationship will be so much better.
4. A man that forgives, who says, "I'm sorry," and truly means it. A man that doesn't resent people. 5. A man that really listens. I'm sure I missed some, but I think the rest stem from these. Mandy Hale has her own post. Check it out! At the end of the day, the personality, looks, and humor all just depend on the right connection of two people. So many women are waiting for good, decent men. I question if there's truth behind the women shaping men into the man they are (later in life), especially after years of marriage...OR is it our culture and society going down the crap shoot? Were men more decent quality men years ago? We actually have a program at my church called, That Man is You, which gets men together to learn and talk about Christian topics that help men be great Christian men, husbands, and fathers. Of course we have women that need to shape up and grow up in so many ways, also. That's a different post. Would men be in better shape if our women were? Maybe we're all in the same place. In the meantime, I hear the cries of these amazing, good-hearted single women echo what used to be my cries not too long ago. All the words that can be offered to a unhappy single person or a single person unhappy about not being married, will not make them happy. Singleness into my thirties was my cross, my long-time suffering. I learned that to just "be there," listen, and even saying, "I'm sorry you are experiencing this. I wish I could take it away," is the best. It tells the person you hear their pain, and instead of saying something that only makes the person feel worse, you empathize with them. Forget the, "Oh, you have plenty of time," bull shit and other crappy lines! So, I know the following won't be all warm and fuzzy, but it is necessary. I had to learn how to give my single life over to Jesus and say, "Your will be done." I had to give my future over to him, whether it be single life, religious life (being a sister if I was called), or marriage someday. It didn't matter that I desired marriage for 10 or so years, and I believed those desires were good and from God. Although letting go and totally trusting God was very difficult, I was able to do it over time. As a result, I could let go of a time schedule and just be present in whatever I was doing. I realized that I needed to learn how to be happy with myself and life no matter what was going on in life and with my martial status. It's important to fill your life with things that make you happy. Pursue a dream; work on some goals. If I couldn't get this figured out in single-life, who's to say I could figure out how to be happy in marriage. Basically, this is learning to trust God with His timing, letting go, and learning to be happy in the present. Plus, God can really only make us truly happy. So, while you're getting busy filling your life with new adventures, someone is thinking about you, too! I can promise you while our friends and family are busy getting married, buying homes, and having babies, our waiting will bring some pretty amazing blessings! While some of those blessings come in the waiting, I am just beginning to see what blessings come from heading into marriage in my mid-thirties rather than my twenties. I also think because I waited for a man that God knew would be right for me (rather than settling), He is going to bless me and the marriage! Check out these books that truly helped!
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So this is me...I am a woman who lives with passion, self-reflection, and a desire to do God's will.
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