I am reminded again of how important our lives are; how each one of us is important. There is no turning back. The "What if I did...?" or "If I only could have..." can be painful reflections of regret, loss, and pain. So, my point is, you, my friend, are important. More than that, you are valued, loved, and special. You are a treasure of our Lord. You are worthy of love, respect, and care. I will even say you are worthy of those three from YOURSELF! When you think about the dash, the line between the date of your birth and death, time comes to mind. What have I accomplished? Have I done well with the time God gave me? It is crazy to think that in the last few years, I have now just added the question, "Have I taken care of myself well?" All the questions you may ask or the two listed before this final one, is dependent on the last one. We cannot be here on earth living well doing amazing things if we don't treat our bodies, minds, and souls with good, healthy things. We just can't. Most times, the dash will get longer if we are doing a better job of taking care of ourselves and not putting ourselves last. Last April or May I shared with my doctor that I wanted to begin working out again and start personal training for the first time. My doctor said in response that summer is the best time to develop the habit of working out...to really take care and focus on me. She knew my job. She knew that I'd have more time right then and there to get this habit in my life, so I could carry it through into the school year. BUT, I am going to tell you, I had to make some serious choices to make it work. I STILL DO! Work no longer rules my life. WORK NO LONGER RULES MY LIFE. After 7 years of ministry, I have made changes, so it doesn't. And as a result, I believe my dash is getting longer. I am happier and healthier. ONE...STEP...AT...A...TIME! Believe me, I still have my back pain and my migraines, and time issues, and well, other issues...but I know what my priorities are. And they are in the right order. It took a lot of heartache realizing they were in the wrong order and to put them in the right order. It wasn't just work that was in the wrong order. And there probably are some that I still need to work on. Don't ever forget that you are worth it. You are important. Your dash is counting on it. Stop wasting time. Make changes today! Today! It is not selfish. Everyone is affected by your well being. What kind of questions come up after you watch "The Dash?" What makes your soul happy and brings you to peace? What makes you laugh? I think we should be doing more of these things. What brings you closer to God? How is God asking you to help others? How can I share of my time and talent? How can you take time out for yourself and not feel guilty knowing it is needed? How can you become a better friend, sibling, parent, spouse, significant other...and so on? How can you become the better you? http://play.simpletruths.com/movie/the-dash-poem/
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I went several months without blogging before my last post. It wasn't because I was too busy or wasn't interested. I actually think through what I could write as I drive to work often times. I didn't post, because I was struggling with issues of anger. My posts would have been whinny, bitter, and hurtful. I had to take a break, a step a way. However, I have decided to blog about one situation, because of what God taught me in the process. Plus, I've lost my steam over the situation! God has a way of doing that to me sometimes. He can humble me in seconds. So here it goes... Over the holiday season the YMCA offered a challenge for its members to stay on track during the Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years holiday season. We were to weigh in three times, and the biggest loser in weight percentage would win a personal training session. I was very excited, since I no longer could afford personal training sessions and my last session was at the end of summer. I did well until I got a sinus cold after my second weigh in. I decided not to complete my last weigh in, since I gained some of my lost weight back. The challenge was over, and I would never know if I even came close to winning. Not long after, a personal trainer called me up and offered me a free training session. I was ecstatic since I didn't win or even complete the challenge. The day arrived for me to meet with the trainer. It was a very busy time at work, but I made the time for this. I changed into my gym clothes and psyched myself up mentally for a hard workout session that my body was about to undergo. If any of you have ever experienced personal training, especially when you are overweight, you know it is hell (but very good for you). However, the trainer was no where to be found. This was upsetting. I think he was 30 minutes late. I can't remember anymore. I was livid and here's why:
...So now it's a little awkward at the Y when we cross paths, but oh well. BUT, here's the thing...I needed to move past being in an uproar about this. Of course I told my parents, co-workers, sister, and a few other people about this. How long was I going to go on about this? How long was I going to let this fester? I can remember one morning when I was thinking about all of this and God stopped me like a deer in the headlights and He said, "But Amy, you are late too!" And here's the thing....I could rationalize my way out of this one all I want, but God will come back with the same few words again. See, it doesn't matter if it's just my boyfriend or my sister. It doesn't matter if it's just a casual event or formal (but not for something really important). Each person's time is important. Every time I am late, it says something to them and about me. I am late often! I am careless with my time. I am irresponsible. I have poor time management. I think my time is more important. I don't want to take action from what I have learned from my poor time management decisions. I try to fill too much in my time. Even if I don't say this out loud or even really think these thoughts, these are messages being told. They are ugly and embarrassing. So, yes, I am not trying to pick up clients, but that doesn't make my tardiness ok. It is pretty crazy when Jesus humbles us just like that, in moments where we are in shock. It was as if He pulled the blanket off my ugly bad habit and was revealing it. As if he didn't see it all for what it was the whole time! What's really ugly about it is when I was pointing my finger at this man, Jesus was looking back at me. It was at those moments my heart broke and forgiveness arose. There is much danger when we point our finger at another, since we can always be turning that same finger back at ourselves and examining our own sin even if the sin is of a different nature. Who are we to judge others? It can be so easy to get caught up in it though. It was easy to move on from my anger for this man, because of Jesus' lesson. Also, because I have a lot of work to do on myself in this area. I've learned that the only person we can change and grow is yourself. One of the most difficult, but very amazing things is, I have the Holy Spirit to show and tell me ways that I need to change and grow in. We know for a fact that God will never fail at that, because we can always become more like His Son...because that is what love is. Jesus is love and we are to love like Him. So, take some time to think about what fingers you've been pointing and the areas in your own life you need to work on. Then give thanks for God breaking your heart as He revealed this to you. Seek forgiveness for the pointed fingers of judgement and ask Him to walk with you as you work to grow and change in your weakness of sin. Blessings! ~Remember God loves you too much to leave you the way you are!~ I love this song by Casting Crown. It fits perfectly with this. "Jesus, friend of sinners Open our eyes to the world at the end of our pointed fingers Let our hearts be led by mercy Help us reach with open hearts and open doors Oh Jesus, friend of sinners, break our hearts for what breaks Yours." Casting Crowns in Jesus, Friend of Sinners ...listen below! A few weeks ago I lost my Master lock! This lock was faithful to me for the few years that I've been working out now keeping my belongings safe. It kept my bike safe in college and quite possibly back in the days when I biked to elementary school. The combination was familiar, and I loved the fact that it had two numbers that were the same! I left the lock at the YMCA once before, and to my surprise and reassurance, it was recovered in their lost and found! This time however, I was not so lucky. I was told that they cut locks off that are left behind. Did I leave it behind locked? I looked for my lock for weeks! In the following week, I broke down and bought a new Master lock. Here's what I discovered:
I've heard the only constant is change itself. We get so caught up in the familiar, constant, and definite. We try to have control over everything. How foolish we are when we place our trust in the things of this world. My lock is a metaphor of course. I found so much comfort, almost immediately, in how it related to life and change. I have found that I can let go easier, move forward quicker, and heal faster when I place my trust fully in God. When I have everything planned, organized, and ready, God ALWAYS shows me a way to teach me that I relied too much on myself and my abilities. Even through the years with a lot of practice, I think I have everything under control. Something will happen right in the middle of everything...my life...my work...that will stop me and He will say, "Amy, you try too hard without me. You have forgotten to start with me. Nothing is for certain, and it is ok. Rely on me now, but remember to start with me next time. Slow down. Take a step back. I am with you in these coming moments now. I love you. You can do this. I will give you the strength." - Written with tears....knowing the Holy Spirit revealed this to me as I wrote this blog. And so, I move into my tomorrows knowing God is always with me among the change I take on or that comes my way! |
So this is me...I am a woman who lives with passion, self-reflection, and a desire to do God's will.
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