Can you love people who make bad decisions? It seems like a simple question, but it's not. Once the word love is involved, it changes everything! Replace people with family, strangers, acquaintances, friends, etc., and it could make you think about each one, but should it matter? Shouldn't we all love them no matter what? For some reason we are harder on our loved ones and we can refuse to give love when family make bad decisions. Sometimes those we love are the hardest to love. We are all in different spots with this issue. I truly believe the Holy Spirit will convict your heart at different times in your life if you are watching and listening to God because...
Loving like Jesus is not easy. Loving when you don't want to is sacrificial. Love is painful. Has loving (giving away love) ever been about ourselves? It is what we were created to do. God is love and we are created in his image and likeness. Who do you need to reach out to and reconcile with? I love these songs...they will challenge you...listen to every word!
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It's hard to believe a year ago I started my fast from desserts for 11 months starting in September. Where did that time go? It seems like yesterday that I was praying about what I should fast from as a way to remember my cousin, Lauren, in prayer while she was on an 11 month mission (1 country/month) called, The World Race. And just like that I was preparing for September to begin by weaning off of desserts and saying goodbye to my beloved cousin. I got sick for a week due to the "bad lettuce" that was going around during that time. I used my stomach pains as a way to suffer joyfully giving my pain to the Lord knowing Lauren could quite possibly suffer in similar ways to come. I later came to find out that she did get sick, and I hope my gift of suffering for her earlier gave her comfort in those moments. The MANY days began without desserts as I said goodbye to Lauren, and I had my last desserts for a long time. Hearing from Lauren and her team gave me so much strength, because I then knew what to be praying for specifically. I also began to wonder more about my faith. Many of the blog post held me deep in thought for days. China had me thinking about explaining Jesus, prayer, and the very basics of the Christianity I grew up with to strangers. How would I do it? Where would I start? Next, I wondered about Thailand. I pondered how there could be so much light in such a dark place as the red light district. And this continued on one country after the other. The more connected I was with Lauren, the easier the fasting was. However, it was NOT easy. More on this later. Everything was going well. September. October. November. I did not have a single dessert or piece of candy. I was tempted. There were bad days or moments. During those times I wondered if Lauren too was going through a tough time. I would pray about anything that may be tough and challenging for her just in case. If I knew what it could be, I'd pray for that. Without fail, she would tell me that she was struggling. And sometimes the struggling was exactly the same day as my struggle, not just around the same time. There was no doubt that God was working through my fasting and praying. But I knew that before Lauren left. He made it clear that we were bonded through this. However, it was just amazing for Him to show us this time and time again. The Lord is so good and faithful to prayer and fasting. So, December came around and temptation snuck in. I let it get the better of me. Once that happens it is always a battle working your way back, so it's always better to try not to break. Christmas candy ended up getting the best of me. I was so excited about being so strong. Maybe I was over confident. January-May were decent months, but once in a great while I had a dessert. I did eat dessert for my birthday for example, which wasn't my plan when I started. June was horrible and the rest of the summer was ugly. I had redemptive moments. And without knowing it at the time, God was teaching me something. Summer was a quiet time for Lauren. Certain countries made it tough for her to communicate. It's just the way it was. During this time it was hard. I knew Lauren was struggling with many things in a very real way. I wanted updates. I wanted to know she was ok. I longed to hear from her. All communication went unanswered. AND THIS IS WHAT GOD TAUGHT ME....Jesus longs to hear from me (you) like that (if not more), but often I am (you are) silent. You see, God used Lauren's lack of communication with me to teach me about my lack of communication with him. And as I desired to hear from Lauren, he desires to hear from me. So I wouldn't call June, July, and August unsuccessful by any means. The dietary consequences were not part of my plan either, but they ended up coming into play naturally. God revealed fasting from desserts because I do have a problem with desserts. It is an unhealthy relationship with them. It is an addiction. I live to eat them ALL THE TIME. They are delicious after all! This was the perfect opportunity for God to mold and teach me to have a healthier relationship with desserts. I did learn a lot!
I never really got fasting from food before to grow in your relationship with God. I understood it in theory, but it became clearer once I actually did it. I think it really helped to fast for someone, especially because it was for so long. The main driving force in not eating the sweets was my love for Lauren and what she was experiencing. Her mission and her life at the time was far greater than my desserts while I fasted. And while I lost track of that during the quiet months of June, July, and August, God used that time to teach me something that would still bring me to tears and tug at my heart. For I'll never know those three months well with Lauren, which symbolizes the time I haven't shared with God. There's never a better time than now! I love so many lines in this song... "I am yours and you are mine..." |
So this is me...I am a woman who lives with passion, self-reflection, and a desire to do God's will.
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